Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The need for some inspiration

I don't know if its the smell of fall in the air this week or just something else going on with the universe, but I'm totally feeling like its a time for new possibilities and opportunities. I'm feeling like I need some inspiration to kick start things again and keep myself motivated. I have this urge to become someone who is a runner, someone who is creative and has time to explore projects like sewing and decorating the Boy's room. I need to start taking better care of myself, but eating cookies and chocolate and crappy food is much easier and much more fun. I don't seem to have the energy to push beyond the sweets and get out and exercise or eat better or do more for just me. I am working hard on taking one night a week when R gets home to go out and do something just for me - so far I've done it for one week! I haven't told anyone I want to start running because I'm afraid I won't live up to any expectations or won't be able to commit to anything yet with our busy boy schedule. He's growing up really fast, but he still needs a lot - its pretty relentless really. I know that in order to be a good mum to him, I need to take care of me and make sure I'm healthy and happy too - outside of things in our house and these relationships. But its so hard to do the work, to feel brave enough, to take the steps to make it a reality. Maybe I need to break it down into baby steps. Maybe I need to find a support network of some sort. I can't really afford to sign up for a running class, but there must be something online i can use to help me stay motivated. What keeps you motivated? I need to do it for me, otherwise it won't stick. But I can't do it on my own this time.
When I was 21, I spent the summer in San Francisco at my aunt and uncle's - it changed my life. I ran almost everyday and didn't tell anyone at home I was doing it because I didn't want to let them down or set myself up for public failure. I had a sign on my door that said - "get up and run, you're worth it." Time to make a new sign...

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