Friday, July 23, 2010

A roller coaster of a job

This has been quite the week - still on my own as far as my daytimes with Luke and have found it an incredible emotional roller coaster. This job, being a mum, can knock me on my ass on a regular basis and I'm always surprised by that. I wish I had more patience, especially at the end of the day when he's reached his max. I wish I had a mum coach to tell me I'm making the right decisions, how to make our days run smoother, and how to help him grow up confident and comfortable in his own skin - and how to do the same for myself. I know I'm still relatively new at this job, but its got to be the hardest thing I have ever done. Being home with him is all I want to do, but I need to find a way to have more balance so that I don't feel like I'm going to lose it on him regularly. He's now a toddler and gets frustrated much easier than he used to, and is more determined to do what he wants - whether he understands me or not - and I'm finding this extremely challenging. I don't know what tools I need to help us both make our way through this next phase without leaving any permanent scars. Our maybe I need to accept that scars are part of the process and that he's not going to feel the mark for long.
Just need to keep my head up and keep it in perspective - I could be at work, watching this beautiful summer pass me by through a window, while my son is being taken care of by someone else.

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