Monday, July 12, 2010

In need of an outlet

I haven't been on here in ages, but finally am finding I have more time at night once he's gone to bed to write a bit. We've moved cities and started a whole new life since I last posted, and am reeling a bit from it all. I know we made the right choice in taking the plunge to start over somewhere new, but it all feels a bit hard at the moment. I'm finding the hardest part not having my mum support network around me anymore. I am spending all day on my own with my little boy and as grateful as I am to be able to do that, I'm finding it hard not having a grown up to talk to, especially someone else going through the same thing. I knew I was pretty lucky to have the women around me in our old life, and I miss them - even though they drove me crazy sometimes too. Its bad timing here because all the drop ins have stopped for the summer, all the ways I know how to meet other mums aren't available to me right now, so I am struggling a bit and not sure how I'm going to sort it all out. We'll be fine come September, when everything starts up again - but I need to make it through the next two months without losing my mind. Sigh...
I'm also finding the Little Man has become quite challenging in the past few weeks - becoming more independent, adjusting to new surroundings, being more picky about all sorts of things he didn't used to seem to mind about (especially food!!), and I'm reminded over and over that I don't seem to have the patience I would like to have. Where can I find more? how do I relax and just go with the flow a bit more, instead of panicking and thinking these changes will be forever? He doesn't want to go in the bath - is it because he freaked out at the swimming lessons we tried to go to and I pushed him too much? or is it just because he's so tired and teething and just adjusting? is he feeling my emotions bleeding into his world - my anxiety about our new life, my fears about how things are going to play out?? so many questions and no one to talk to...hence the need to start blogging again. I just needed a place to vent and get it out of my head - maybe then I will sleep a bit better, instead of laying awake listening to the two of them snoring and wishing I was them.

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